Do You Have a Toxic Friend or Lover? 15

The quality of life you live will begin to deteriorate when you allow the wrong people to infiltrate your personal space; this includes those on your Facebook newsfeed.  Take a pen, think, then write down your realistic expectations for the sort of people you want in your life (focus on real values and not superficial characteristics such as money, fame, and status).  What is it about how they behave towards you that makes you feel happy, uplifted, encouraged, and having that overall sense of trust for these people? Now take another piece of paper and write down the things that people often do and say to you that hurts or brings about some form of negative emotion in you.  Now you can begin understanding toxicity in your life. Differentiating positive from negative behaviors is pivotal to purging your life of virulent people. heartsickness-428103_960_720

Why is it Important to Identify Toxic Behaviors

Most of us go to work, school, and play without ever contemplating how the people we deal with and encounter on a daily basis influence our spiritual being.  Sometimes we fail to recognize the adverse effects of their toxicity on our lives.  Make no mistake, toxicity will transfer its negative outcomes from one aspect of our lives to another.  It is crucial to identify toxic people in order to address them directly (depending on the closeness of the relationship) and in order to understand their motives.  Understanding the motives of negative people is important in order to understand how they project their negativity towards yourself.  You will want to be able to understand toxic people and behaviors in order to protect your self-esteem, personal relationships, career, and overall life.

Things Toxic People Do

Toxic people love drama.  Well, they have a tendency to seek, create, and embrace drama.  This drama could happen at social events, on social media, and even in the workplace.  These people enjoy putting other people down, and love to embrace gossip.  Gossip is the bestfriend of the toxic. I tend to keep an eye out for the arrogantly  toxic (tends to be highly socially delusional) person who leans heavily on the narcissistic side; if you are looking for an unhealthy competitive and combative drama king/queen, look no further.  This type of toxic persons is highly manipulative, wants everyone to agree with him/her, and sees everyone who doesn’t follow them as a direct threat to their perceived status.


They Love to Share the Drama

Toxic people constantly falsely accuse others of doing the same things that they are doing, and will invite a large audience with a 1000 front row seats, they thrive off of the negative attention and think it is positive.  They tend to love bullying, they are selfish, and typically the type of people who are so competitive that they are always looking to compare what someone else is doing (they’ll tell the world the are not competitive).  These are the same people who will self-proclaim to be the “queen bee”) but fail to realize that not everyone is going to get into FORMATION – some people just do not follow and worship.

Toxic in Roman Relationships

In relationships, expect the toxic person to always want things their way, and even after apologizing, they’ll somehow find a way to backtrack and project the blame on something and someone else.  They never take responsibility for their own actions, and the world is always trying to hurt them in some way.  Toxic people do not respect boundaries and do not want to understand the importance of transparency  in romantic relationships.

Do you find yourself in a toxic friendship where you are you being manipulated, or forced in some other way to choose the relationship you have with them over someone else? Yes, you need to get away from that.  Toxic friends will invite you out of town only to back you into a corner and tell you what you should do with your life. Do you sense a little control?

What’s Next?

Sometimes we just need to believe in ourselves and the decisions that we make for our lives; that is the first step to in this process.  The second step is rebuilding your self-esteem.  I’ve created an audio course that will be launched on May 22, 2016. This course was created in order to help you rebuild your self-esteem via self-evaluation and via guided workbooks to help you rebuild.  If you are interested in hearing more about the course, please contact me at or by signing up here for the special pre-launch price.


15 thoughts on “Do You Have a Toxic Friend or Lover?

  • Rania

    It’s crucial to your health to surround yourself with positive people so you can have a positive outcome. Great post.

  • Sharon Yvonne

    This is such a well written post.

    The people in your life impact you in so many ways. The saying, “Your income is the average of you five closest friends” can be applied to anything: Your positivity is average of your five closest friend; you weight is the average of you five closest friends, etc..

    Thanks for the reminder.

    I look forward to more of your posts.

  • Agatha

    I’ve seen toxicity in all forms – gossiping is THE worst form because it breeds all kinds of stories and untruths, followed by always putting people down.

    • Kerisha Deans Post author

      I completely agree Agatha; gossiping makes me feel very uncomfortable. When I first meet someone, if they gossip about someone, I tend to not want to ever see them again.

  • Christal

    Love this…..was having a heart to heart with a friend about toxic people last night.

    • Kerisha Deans Post author

      You know, when I was younger I did not understand the concept, but I would still feel the existence of it and it turned me off.

  • Taria S. Faison

    This is absolutely an awesome read! You totally hit the nail on the head. I had to share the post on my social media sites…I have encountered toxic people and your post reinforces why we should not tolerate them.

  • Catherine Holmes

    Lovvvvveeeeddddd thissssss. So much! Spot on! Toxic relationships can be so unhealthy for your life! Had to flush a few toxic people from my life myself! Keep up the amazing writing!

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